Never Looking Back
by Misled Nymph
Summary: A depressing oneshot. Kel gets kicked out. Rated for suicide.


**Never Looking Back**

Summary: A random one-shot. Depressing.

Disclaimer: Nothing except the plot and this piece of writing is mine, except for the First Test excerpts.

Dedicated to Grace C. and x17SkmBdrchiczxx for beta-ing. Love y'all.

Not a Single Regret

"_You sent for me, my lord," she said._

_Lord Wyldon sighed, "Sit down, girl."_

_Kel hesitated, than sat._

_Wyldon absently massaged his right arm. "I want you to listen to me. I speak to you as I would to _my_ daughters."_

_Kel blinked at him, startled. She supposed she knew that Lord Wyldon had a wife and family, but she had forgotten it. It was hard to imagine him with only life other than that of training master to the pages and squires._

"_Now that you have made your point, consider the future. Soon your body will change. The things that you will want from life as a maiden will change. Pursue the course you have, and you might be crippled by an accident. He looked at his right arm and smiled crookedly. "What if you fall in love? What if you come to grief, or cause others to do so, because your thoughts are on your heart and not combat? This year was the easiest."_

_You think so? she asked him silently. It wasn't _your_ year, was it? She opened her mouth to reply. _

"_Not now," he said raising his hand. "Do not answer me now. Go home and think about it.' He sighed. "You are dismissed."_

_She had to hear him say it. "I can't come back then."_

_The training master shook his head wearily. "No, you may not. You are to return to your parent's town house or your fief tomorrow. You are dismissed."_

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

"You will go to the convent tomorrow Keladry. We really are sorry for this. Perhaps at 15 you might try your hand at the Riders. The Yaman, well, your mask, failure, you just wouldn't fit." Lady Ilane of Mindelean groped, anything to see the smile of her youngest daughter, her warrior again. Instead, she saw the miserable, pleading look on Keladry's face. She said the only thing available to her tongue: "I'm sorry." And thus she truly was. She would have given anything to bring the once-page back to the Isles, but after the encounter, her mask had dropped. She then echoed her words again: "I'm sorry."

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

The Baron Piers of Mindelean looked sorrowfully at his once happy, cheerful, and determined daughter. Had her dismissal from page training really hurt her that much? The realm would be sorry. Keladry was an able-bodied warrior and commander that could have helped the realm. Now, because of Wyldon's inability to see change, the realm had lucked out. Wyldon would pay. Piers were only one beat behind his wife: "I'm sorry."

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

Anders looked beaten as he thought back to his words of advice on that day before this recent year that had ruined everything. Everything.

_He sighed. "Do you realize it's going to be difficult? Maybe impossible? They'll make it tough. There's hazing for one thing. I don't know when the custom started, but it's called 'earning you way' It's just for the first-year pages. The senior ones make you run stupid little errands like fetching gloves and picking up things that knocked over. You have to do it. Otherwise it's the same as saying you don't have to do what the older pages did, as if you think you're better than they are. And older pages play tricks on young ones, and some of them will pick fights. Stand up for yourself, or they'll make your life a misery."_

"_In the rules they sent, fighting isn't allowed."_

"_Of course it's forbidden. If you're caught, they punish you. That's expected. What you must _never_ do is tattle on another page, or say who you fought with. That's expected. Tell them you fill down -that's what I always said. Otherwise no one will trust you. A boy told when I was a page. He finally left because no one would speak to him."_

Anders sighed. He remembered the questioning, curious face on Kel's face that time. What he would do to see that face, or any face than the one on her now. He echoed, "I'm sorry."

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

Keladry barely registered the impact of the words. She no longer cared, not after all that had happened. She would be miserable anywhere. In a cold voice, she asked to be excused, not seeing the worry, the concern, the sympathy, the helplessness, and the pity on their faces. She slowly walked up to the tallest tower in the townhouse. She ignored servants, younger cousins, and her siblings. She didn't care.

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

Nealan of Queenscove looked out his window as the rain dripped down the glass slowly. The weather reflected the young page's mood. He missed Kel, a lot. But the feeling of yearning for Kel was overshadowed by fury that he felt towards Wyldon for sending his best friend back home. Basically, he was telling her she wasn't good enough. Was he crazy? Neal wondered. How could he do that? He knew she was better than most of her year-mates, maybe even the second-years! By Mithros, the probationary page was better than him and always would be. He would never be the knight Keladry would have been, never.

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

In the palace, Wyldon looked over the diminishing skyline. Had he really made the right decision, dismissing the Mindelean chit? She was able, true. But after all that pressure from the conservatives, not to mention the amount of trouble she brought, shouldn't he dismiss her easily? Unfortunately , no such luck. He had dismissed an able page, one that would have yielded great results for the kingdom. He sighed. It wouldn't be too late. He would go back and ask Mindelean to rejoin them. That decided, he retired to his chambers.

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

She didn't HAVE to do this, Kel reasoned, but what else could she do? It was futile, and in the end, she finally reasoned, yes, she HAD to do this. Her life as a warrior was over, and she certainly wasn't to become a maiden. No husband would want her, the failed page. She would be banished to some little corner in Mindelean forever, become a spinster. And if she DID show herself at court, could she handle the shame? She sighed, closed her eyes, and plunged, the whispering words in her mind, "Never looking back, not a single regret."

NEVER LOOKING BACK, NOT A SINGLE REGRET

Wyldon knocked at the townhouse, sharp raps disturbing the sullen household. A maid opened the door, and Wyldon's gim face became even grimmer, and the features ashen. It was too late.

A/N: Special thanks to 'Serpent Charmer' for telling me my stories don't match.


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